How to deal with rejection and fear of failure
Rejection sucks. There is no denying that.
In every single walk of life you will undoubtedly be faced with rejection. Whether that is rejection from a job application, a potential love interest, an audition or a friendship. Whatever the situation, it does not feel good. If I ever meet someone who has never ever encountered a single piece of rejection in their life then I will personally congratulate them!
I recently started a business venture that I began excited about, but after a few months came to realise that it wasn't exciting me anymore, instead it felt like a chore, and the constant rejection and setbacks made me disheartened. The rejections served a purpose though, a purpose that I will talk about later in this post.
Even though rejection is tough, there are ways to deal with it that can soften the blow. I have written a few of my top tips for rejection in this post that hopefully you can come back to when the lil monster comes a-knockin' again.
Learn to sit with the rejection. Sit with the feeling of hopelessness, disappointment, confusion. Whatever emotion immediately hits you when you feel rejected. Really feel the pain, and sit with it. This may feel counter-intuitive but trust me, accepting and facing the pain head on is the best way to work through it. Avoiding the feeling only makes it last longer and also more likely to rear its head in an awkward situation, causing you to burst out crying in the middle of Tesco aisle 3. So allow yourself to feel all the feels, it is completely normal to do so. And then if you encounter rejections in the future you know exactly what to expect and will learn to better deal with the feeling as it comes on.
Do not wallow. Okay hear me out, I am saying to sit with the emotion, but not too long that you wallow in your sadness and lose your sense of purpose and drive. There is a difference between feeling the sadness for a few hours or days, and letting it completely consume you. Once you've had your period of sadness or disappointment, understand that every rejection leads to an opportunity, and even though it may feel like it, it is not the end of your world.
Try not to fixate on what you could've done differently or better. Too many times have I come out of an audition or job interview barely remembering what went well because I am so focused on what I did horribly wrong. Even if you think it has gone well and you are still rejected, you then start thinking oh was it something I said, was it how I look? Realise that often rejections have nothing to do with you. They have everything to do with the person or company doing the rejecting. You are not the right fit, not what aligns with them at this current point. And what you need to realise is that they are most probably doing you a favour. Out of every rejection comes an opportunity to grow and to re-direct your energy towards something else. If you follow these tips then you will get to a period where you are actually thankful for rejection. Crazy, right?
Accept that the universe has a plan. Even if you don't know why and it sucks and hurts and you feel like the walls are falling down around you, this happened for a purpose. The amount of people I have spoken to that have been rejected from a job, a certain university, a relationship, and it felt soul crushing at the time, but a year or even less later they can see why that didn't work out and how they are better off for it now. Rejection is always always always leading you to something else, something better.
Lastly, do not give up. Do not let this rejection be the reason you stop chasing those dreams. Rejection does not mean you are stupid, does not mean you're not good enough, not pretty enough, not successful enough, not educated enough. Get back on the horse and try and try again. You will be glad you did when you receive success at the end of the tunnel. Just know that you can return to this post over and over again as and when you need it. We all need a little pep talk now and then, so return whenever you need, and then march on out with your head held high, and try again.
As I said, rejection serves a purpose and the trials and rejections I faced when trying to start up a small business have led me to something even greater. One of the hardest parts about rejection is accepting that you have been rejected, but if you see rejection as a gateway rather than a barricade, then it seems less scary and more manageable.
If you enjoyed this post then do leave me a comment or follow me over on Instagram. I am currently planning something to help women conquer fears of failure and thrive whilst living their dream lives, so keep your eyes peeled for that! ♡
Lots of love,
X X X