How to quit people pleasing & put yourself first ❀
Do you find yourself saying yes to plans when you have a million other things to do and you really don't have time but you feel you have to say yes to keep people happy?
Or that you find it difficult to say no to extra shifts at work or going above and beyond what is expected in your job role?
Or do you find yourself blindly agreeing with others' opinions even if you may not wholly agree with them?
It sounds to me like you are a people pleaser. Welcome to the club.
It is so so easy to fall into this trap, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It means you are likely an amazing, supportive friend; a trusted co-worker; an easy going, easy to get along with member of society. Which is absolutely fab, and if you have no qualms, keep doing you and thriving.
However, keep reading if sometimes people pleasing tires you out and seems to go against your morals even if you can't let anyone see them.
The problem with people pleasing is that you are living life completely on someone else's terms. You are sailing along, accepting everything and not making any enemies or having conflict of any kind. Which is fine, I am not promoting conflict at all. But living life this way has very little meaning and purpose. If you have no opinions, no matter how popular or unpopular they may be, then what are you fighting for? What do you believe in? What drives you?
The opinions of others.
If you are a people pleaser then you are living your life and making decisions based on the opinions of others, which is a toxic and unhealthy way to live.
It is time to take back you power.
The next time someone asks you for something, or expresses an opinion that doesn't sit well with you, I challenge you to speak your mind and truth. Think, will doing this task or going to this social occasion serve you and make you happy, or does it go beyond what is expected of you or you feel you have an obligation to attend out of a fear of being disliked?
By going with you gut instincts you will also begin to realise who comes to you only when they need something from you, or only to gossip and spread rumours.
Also, I find that by knowing your worth and setting values for yourself people actually respect you more and value your opinion.
At the end of the day living according to the opinion of others will never be a fulfilling existence because people will never be 100% happy with what you're doing. They'll always expect more, or under-appreciate what you have sacrificed or gone out of your way to do for them.
So why waste time living on someone else's terms when you can be your own best friend and give yourself the love and respect that you so deserve?
Now this does not mean cutting off good friends and standing up to your boss to the extent that you lose your job. Please do not tell your boss to do one.
It is about recognising when a situation serves you and makes you content & peaceful; and when you're only doing something because someone told you to. Listen to your gut, it is very rarely off in my experience. Once you start living life on your own terms, you will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders and immediately your life will feel more purposeful.
I hope you enjoyed my thoughts on people pleasing and it has given you something to think about and implement in your own life today. Do let me know in the comments or DM me on Instagram with your thoughts on people pleasing.
Watch this space for a course that I am currently building that will give you the tools to free yourself and mind to take back power in your life and find your inner purpose and mission.
x x x